You are not forgotten. You are not weak or less of a woman. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are remembered and honored. YOU have the toughest job in the world, for to contain such love with no child to pour that love upon…yes…that is the toughest job in the world. This Mother’s Day, I celebrate you.
The journey is long, slow, and hard...
Not one mother I know has "asked for" or even expected to be afflicted by PMAD. But the GOOD news for PMAD mommas is, with the right help, it gets better- it really does.
Even if you can't imagine what tomorrow will look like, and your despair is soooo thick that you can barely breathe... There IS help for this, mommas. Thankfully, PMAD is treatable- you can (and you will) get better.
We're joining the Friday Introductions bandwagon, and taking time each week to introduce you to some of our amazing volunteer staff! This week we have the privilege of introducing you to our fearless leader, Lauren! Her passion to educate and equip women has fueled the mission of The Motherhood Collective and is making a lasting impact in the world of maternal health. She gives endlessly, works tirelessly (seriously. she should sleep more.) and we are forever grateful for her!
1) Introduce yourself!
Lauren Elise Barnes, thirty (and loving it), married for almost nine years to Adam and mama to Beatrice, my bringer of joy!
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
HA! That’s a story. For the full rendition, read our Birth Story. A clif notes version would be that having grown up in Lynchburg, VA, I was shocked that there were not more education and support options for women from preconception – postpartum. After meeting an incredible educator, we decided to create that which we were longing for! The Café (our flagship program) was born and the Collective grew from there. I have been working with the organization ever since, and I wouldn’t change a thing!
3) How do you take your coffee?
All the ways! All the time!
First cup = Black with almond milk
Second cup = Black
Midmorning = Skim milk misto
Optional afternoon cup = Black
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Oh, this is impossibly hard! I love to travel. I love people. I love cultures. I love being out of my comfort zone. I would love to visit Asia and Australia. But right now... my heart is pounding to visit Haiti and work alongside those on the frontlines of improving maternal health... for even just a moment.
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Oh... just, reality... the coming to grips with the truth that THIS right here is what I have been given. I can enjoy or complain – but at the end of the day, it is up to me to choose. Motherhood has looked and continues to look NOTHING like what I thought it would. The hardest part is accepting what is.
6) What has been the best part?
The unexpected joy I have gotten through humiliation. Coming to grips with the truth that I know NOTHING at all about parenting or motherhood is tremendously freeing.... My daughter’s dry sense of humor and personality that is NOTHING like mine, also brings me to tears in laughter!
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
Goodness, I’m embarrassed to say that I was allll “judgy” about this only a few years back and now, I’m a leggings 4 days a week girl! (Blame it on the yoga!)
8) Favorite TV show?
Call the Midwife... shocker... I know.
9) Favorite junk food?
ICE CREAM – LOCAL ICE CREAM – In the summer on a blazing hot day... where it melts down the cone before you can finish it... in my opinion, the best junk food has memories attached....
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
“We deserve nothing – so we are free to enjoy everything.”
– My mama (1958 – 2007)
Next we would love to introduce you to Maria! This wonderful lady serves as Managing Director and takes on many responsibilities that keep the organizations wheels turning. We may tease her about keeping us in line, but she really does. She's as loyal as they come, generous, kind and truly cares about each mother that we serve. We would literally be lost without her (and our meetings would be 5 hours long!)
1) Introduce yourself!
Maria Alicia Hayden, 34, one child (Evie, short for Evangeline) age 4, Managing Director for TMC. Born in California, raised in NJ, school in upstate NY, now making a home in central VA, with the occasional stint in New England as my husband is from Maine.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I was referred to TMC (then Anticipation and Beyond Café) by my wonderful doula when I was pregnant. After I had Evie I started attending more regularly and would start helping with the Café wherever they needed extra hands. Sometimes I would show up just in time to help clean- up as life with an infant is a bit unpredictable! I had known Lauren for years and it was nice to reconnect and see what they were trying to accomplish in the community. She knew I had non-profit experience and I was asked to join the team as a “consultant” at first. As the organization re-branded and began to grow I eventually stepped into a Managing Director role and it’s been wonderful.
3) How do you take your coffee?
I don’t drink it everyday, but when I do, it’s always decaf and with a little cream. If I am feeling particularly feisty or cause to celebrate, I will get a “fancy” drink in the form of a caramel latte or chai latte.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
My family is from Central America and I would love to go and explore Mayan and Aztec history there. Also a tour of Europe because why not!
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Realizing that just because I may have grown up a certain way doesn’t mean that it has to be the same for her. Learning to let go and come to the realization that we hold ourselves (and sometimes others if everyone is being honest) to ridiculous standards. We are on this road together via individual avenues, and that is ok!! Balance is key and when Evie was an infant I didn’t have this, I was working way to much, dragging her around with me everywhere and not looking out for her best interest, it has take a while to figure out what balance looks like and I am still working on it most days, but trying to give myself more grace about it.
6) What has been the best part?
That despite all the crazy, frustrating moments, watching this tiny human flourish and grow has been pretty incredible. Each stage of her life has been fascinating and it just keeps getting better! My absolute favorite is watching her make simple discoveries and take the greatest pleasure in the little things. For example when she realizes a new food that she likes it’s as if the world has stood still for a moment!
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
I was a strong nay for years, but actually think it’s totally acceptable when one wears a long enough tunic or dress and leggings are completely opaque.
8) Favorite TV show?
This changes all the time depending on the season of life I am in. Currently we are into the Hulu show 11.22.63 staring James Franco based on a novel about a English teacher who happens to travel back in time to try and stop the JFK assassination. It's pretty compelling and we are enjoying it so far. (Franco is kind of easy on the eyes, so that’s nice too, ha!)
9) Favorite junk food?
This is so embarrassing but if I am being completely honest, it is Utz’s sour cream and onion chips (with ridges). So bad but so good!!
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
When I was pregnant someone told me that when I am in a difficult stage of parenthood feeling like it is going to last forever, that all of sudden it will be done and on the other side. Everything has another side and nothing is forever, both good and bad. It has been helpful to keep in mind in all seasons of life.
We're continuing on the Friday Introductions bandwagon, and taking time each week to introduce you to some of our amazing volunteer staff! Because our wonderful staff has grown so much, (amazing, truly.) We are doubling up each week on the introductions. This week we are going to introduce you to the ladies who help us with visual beauty you see on our website and other materials! First up, meet Janine. Her keen eye for design and her kind spirit come together to add a unique element to The Motherhood Collective's imagery and design concepts. While her work is done mostly behind the scenes, we couldn't do what we do without her.
1) Introduce yourself!
Hey there! Janine, 27, married to Joel, a super cute and talented photographer. We’ve been married since 2010, no kids yet! I am the Creative Director for a Christian jewelry company, hollylane.com. I often wear many other hats since it’s a small business; I love that no two days are the same and I get to be creative in many different ways.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I’ve known Lauren for a while and while at a Vintage Lynchburg sale a few years back she mentioned TMC was in need of a designer, the rest is history.
3) How do you take your coffee?
Black, though I do love a good sugary drink now and again.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Any place there’s beautiful scenery for me to enjoy and for my husband to photograph.
5) What do you anticipate in regards to motherhood?
I anticipate more love than I could ever imagine on less sleep than I ever thought possible.
6) And what are you scared of about motherhood?
Everything! Just kidding… but kind of not.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
As long as the tush is covered, it’s a-ok by me!
8) Favorite TV show?
Gilmore Girls, always and forever. I think this show is why I tend to talk too quickly and insert random pop culture references into conversations.
9) Favorite junk food?
Chips and ice cream are my love language.
10) Best advice you've ever been given?
Before you speak, ask yourself if it's true, kind and necessary.
Now we introduce you to Sara Ernst! She's the eye behind the camera capturing all of our beautiful images that you see in our materials. She is kind, genuine, and passionate about sharing encouragement through her motherhood journey; we are so thankful for her beautiful contributions!
1) Introduce yourself!
Hello friends! I’m Sara Ernst and I have the honor of being called wife, Mommy and photographer! I met my husband almost 17 years ago in college and began my photography business 13 years ago! It’s been the most amazing ride and now I am a mother to a sweet and nurturing little girl who will be 3 this summer! I’m about to be 36 years old and I’m owning every second of it!
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I’ve known the fabulous Lauren Barnes now for quite a while and was honored to have her as my labor-support (aka Rock) during my pregnancy and birth…the Lord placed Lauren in my path for very specific reasons and it was through her that I came to be apart of TMC.
3) How do you take your coffee?
While I am a sucker for a good vanilla latte, I’m pretty positive that I was British in a former life…I am a die-hard tea drinker. And I fully admit that I’m a little snobbish when it comes to which kinds I drink and how I take it.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Oh boy! Let’s see…I would probably go for a magnificent trip through Europe. The one that makes it’s way to England, Italy and probably Ireland!
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
The overwhelming change of life when you have a newborn that you only think you’re as ready as you can be for…when it reality, it hits you like a Mack truck! Our sleep journey has also been quite a long road, but everything has it’s season!
6) What has been the best part?
The reward of watching this incredible little person change from a screaming infant to this mellow, compassionate, sweet and genuinely caring and helpful child with a heart as big as her body!
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
You know what? Everybody’s got a flavor! If leggings are your pants…then you go ahead and rock the heck out of them!
8) Favorite TV show?
This is hard because I have different shows at different stages through my life, but one of my favorite television series is/was Road To Avonlea. It aired around 1991 or 1992 and was a spin off from Anne of Green Gables. I currently own all 7 seasons…I’m just saying.
9) Favorite junk food?
Homemade apple, strawberry or cherry pie doesn’t stand a chance around me!
10) Best advice you've ever been given?
Don’t believe the thoughts you have about yourself when you are overwhelmed or when you feel there’s a black cloud over you. Those thoughts are never true…they are just products of a bad or sad mood.
Maybe the mother in your mind is super crafty and throws amazing parties. Maybe she works a big corporate job and balances that seamlessly with motherhood, never fighting 'mommy guilt' or feeling like she has to choose between work and kids. Whatever the mother in your mind looks like, may I gently remind you: she's not real. She has amazing qualities that you can work toward emulating. There are things you can learn from her. But just like a character from your favorite show, (Lorelai anyone??), as much as you want her to be real, she's not. And she never will be.
We're continuing on the Friday Introductions bandwagon, and taking time each week to introduce you to some of our amazing volunteer staff! Because our wonderful staff has grown so much, (amazing, truly.) we are doubling up each week on the introductions. This week we are highlighting more of our amazing Cafe' leaders! First, we introduce you to Erica, our Cafe' Moderator. She has served in a variety of roles over the years and continues to pour into the lives of the women who come through the doors of our Cafe'. TMC would have a giant hole without Erica...I'm not sure we could ever say enough about how wonderful she is - or how valuable to us!
1) Introduce yourself!
Erica Wolfe, 34 (Quick! Publish this now; I'm 35 in a few weeks.)
3 kiddos – 4.5, almost 3 and 5 months.
In a former life, I was an organist, accompanist and piano teacher. I was briefly the co-owner of a cloth diaper business. These days I'm at home kid-wrangling full time. I also do housework very infrequently and with little enthusiasm.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I found TMC (then known as Anticipation and Beyond Cafe') when I was pregnant in 2011 with my first child. Laurie Flower, one of the founders, taught my childbirth classes and told me about the group when it began. Once my daughter arrived, I attended Cafes regularly and pretty early on started informally helping with setup and clean up. When my daughter was 6 months old, I was asked to start taking candid pictures at Cafes, playgroups, and other events. In the summer of 2012, we rebranded as The Motherhood Collective and started our website. I officially joined the leadership team as the Blog Editor and worked with Liz Cook to create a lot of the early online information about our programs and local resources. In January of 2014, I turned over the blog to other capable hands and took on a new role as the Small Group Manager for our Cafe' Monday peer support groups. I also started splitting Cafe' Moderator duties with Lauren Barnes. In 2016, I took over the Cafe' Moderator role completely and continue managing small groups. Cafe' Mondays are my favorite!
3) How do you take your coffee?
Early, often and strong – with a little cream. Sugar and "flavoring" have no place in my mug. I firmly believe that coffee should taste like coffee.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Someplace warm, sandy, without children and in the USA. Why? I like to read on the beach without interruption and my passport has expired.
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Nursing my first child was very challenging. We dealt with a number of issues, including tongue tie, a painful latch and multiple bouts of mastitis. We were able to push through and it taught me a lot about breastfeeding. And while I am a huge breastfeeding advocate, my experience left me very empathetic to those women who struggle with nursing and choose to not continue.
These days, my hardest job is juggling the constantly changing needs of all the members of my family – often on very little sleep and with limited patience.
6) What has been the best part?
I love being there for all the little moments – milk drunk newborns, baby coos, first words and steps, all the pretend play, budding friendships and big kid triumphs. Also, my children are still at the age where I can fix most of their problems. I know those days are numbered and I'm trying to savor my time as "Mama, Righter of All Wrongs."
Also, since becoming a mother, I have met an amazing number of smart, strong and passionate women. It's been my absolute privilege to share these early parenting years with them. I know many of them will be lifelong friends. It's such a gift.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
I will happily give my opinion on many topics. Fashion is nowhere on the list.
8) Favorite TV show?
Oh, so many. I'm currently binge-watching NYPD Blue. I really like Homeland, The Good Wife, Outlander and Call the Midwife. I'm bummed that Downton Abbey is over. My husband and I are currently watching Better Call Saul as a desperate attempt to relive the magic of Breaking Bad. I loved Mad Men. And I'm a total sucker for Little House on the Prairie (I have every season on DVD).
9) Favorite junk food?
I would never say no to homemade tapioca pudding. Serve it with coffee and I'll be your best friend.
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
Well, it's a little complicated, but this is something I think about a lot. I love the phrase, "comparison is the thief of joy." Remember, no one has it all figured out, no matter how it looks. Everyone's life has its share of struggles, sadness and problems. We all go through difficult seasons. I try very hard to celebrate the accomplishments of my friends, delight in their children's successes and nurture relationships. Building someone up is always worth it and it really isn't difficult to be kind. Jealousy is not productive. Sometimes it is really hard not to compare, but as a friend recently said, "do the work or be content." It's important to be at peace with where you are or recognize that you have the power to make new choices and change your life.
Next up, we have another one of our lovely Cafe' volunteers! Liz has been with TMC since its beginning and continues to serve faithfully today as a Cafe' Express team member. As an entrepreneur, birth advocate, mama of 2 and all-around 'women rock!' kind of girl, we admire and absolutely adore Liz and can not imagine this organization without her.
1) Introduce yourself!
My name is Liz and I am in my early thirties. :) (At what point are we supposed to stop sharing our exact age??) I have two awesome girls, ages 4 and 14 months. They are super in love with each other and they warm my heart (almost) daily with their interactions. I am also married to a hard-working man who is away for long hours during the day. I also run my own photography business here in Lynchburg, VA, and it's one of the things that keeps me sane by giving me lots of excuses to avoid doing the laundry, dishes, and other household chores. :)
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I discovered The Motherhood Collective when it was in it's early beginnings and under a different name. After only attending a few Cafe' events, I knew I wanted to be involved. My heart for motherhood and supporting moms grew as my first year of motherhood unfolded before me. I recognized the support necessary to not feel completely alone and lost, and I wanted to give that support to other women as often as I could.
3) How do you take your coffee?
Coffee? I take cream and sugar with a splash of coffee, if we're being honest. ;)
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
I would retreat to a cottage in the woods with windows wide open, soft, flowy curtains and not a care in the world. (That includes no bug spray required!) I'd probably spend my vacation flirting with my husband and brainstorming business ideas. Both are truly my favorite things to do. :) Oh... but a vacation isn't a vacation without a long massage, amiright?!
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Learning a new practice all over again. Becoming a mother is like being the new kid in school – you've entered a new world of which you know nothing about, and the best gift in this new world is having someone to take your hand and show you the way around. I had a hard time recognizing that a new baby really did mean less time for myself, and it took me a long time to fully surrender to motherhood. Once I did, though, things became a lot more enjoyable for my whole family. :)
6) What has been the best part?
The deep friendships I have been able to make with other mothers. While they would never replace lifelong friendships I had before motherhood, the women I have been able to connect with add a whole new layer of enjoyment to my life. And hopefully this goes without saying, but experiencing the heartfelt joy of watching your baby grow into themselves, seeing bits of personality develop and listening to each and every baby giggle... those are, by far, the best moments of motherhood.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
Um. Yah.
8) Favorite TV show?
I really miss my Parenthood friends... it's like they just abandoned me for better lives or something. Good thing I have a new season of Big Brother drama to distract me every summer. ;)
9) Favorite junk food?
Arby's Jamocha + curly fries binge. Oh man... SUCH guilt!
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
Why be afraid of the truth? It is what gives you an opportunity to be a better person. So many people are afraid to be honest, but honesty shared with love is what makes this world a better place.
For more info on our Monday cafes, click here.
For info on our Cafe' Express, click here.
We're continuing on the Friday Introductions bandwagon, and taking time each week to introduce you to some of our amazing volunteer staff! Because our wonderful staff has grown so much, (amazing, truly.) We are doubling up each week on the introductions. This week we are going to introduce you to our amazing Playgroup Leaders! First up, meet Gina. Incredibly genuine, so welcoming and kind, and a fabulous baker to boot...she may or may not sometimes make yummy treats and bring them to playgroup. Just saying.
1) Introduce yourself!
Gina Hamilton, 31
Elise 2 years old
Expecting baby #2 this summer!
I’m a registered nurse, but have been taking a break from nursing this year to focus on my growing family!
I volunteer as Playgroup Co-Leader with The Motherhood Collective.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I attended my very first Cafe' when I was 12 weeks pregnant with my first. After attending just one cafe I felt so empowered and encouraged after hearing the other mama’s birth stories! Just that one encounter changed the way I viewed birth and made me realize that I had options (that I didn’t even know existed in this area) and led me on an amazing journey (I’d love to tell you all about it if you’re interested). Ever since then and since the birth of my daughter I’ve been so passionate about this organization and their mission! I attended every Cafe' that I could after Elise’s birth and was looking and hoping for a way to give back to this organization that has given me so much! Lauren approached me about co-leading playgroup when my daughter was about 6 months old and I was eager to jump on board!
3) How do you take your coffee?
Hazelnut or vanilla flavored with a generous splash of cream and a little sugar.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Any tropical island with crystal blue, green and turquoise water, white sand and palm trees. I’d actually love to go back to the Virgin Islands one day! If this is a dream vacation a nanny would also be a requirement since it brings me such joy to watch my daughter explore and play in the sand and water at the beach but feeding, clothing, potty training and parenting a two year old is hard work and leaves no time for rest or relaxation or uninterrupted time with one’s husband…
Why… I love the ocean, for me, there’s no place that’s more relaxing… the breeze, the feeling of the sand on my bare feet, walking on the shore, swimming in the ocean... Snorkeling in Trunk Bay is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever done… seeing colorful fish, coral and swimming alongside a sea turtle are all things I’d love to do again one day with my family.
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Postpartum: the extreme lack of sleep, lack of support, trying to breastfeed my baby (that couldn’t tolerate formula) with tongue tie and an aversion to the breast that would scream and cry when even brought near my bare chest, pumping constantly, the anxiety that consumed me until she finally latched on at 10 weeks old.
6) What has been the best part?
Needless to say, the newborn phase is not my favorite part (see #5)! Honestly, once we got over that big hurdle I felt like I/we could accomplish anything. Once feeding my baby wasn’t a struggle I was able to enjoy being a mother and have enjoyed motherhood ever since. Even though things were harder than I imagined they would be in the beginning, motherhood has also been so much more amazing and fulfilling than I ever could have imagined it would be. I’ve loved getting to know my daughter, seeing her personality blossom, watching her grow, learn and explore. She amazes me every day, she has changed me for the better, and causes me to reevaluate myself often and strive to be the best version of myself so that I may set a good example for her to follow.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
Depends on the leggings, but usually as long as shirt or sweater is long enough to cover everything then yes.
8) Favorite TV show?
Grey’s Anatomy, even though it used to really annoy me that the doctors do a lot of things that nurses usually do in the hospital (besides operate of course).
9) Favorite junk food?
At this point in my pregnancy, ice cream.
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
Recently I read a parenting article that really struck a chord, the gist: “Just do you.” The article wasn’t profound nor was this a new concept to me (one of the reasons I love TMC is because of their “salad bar approach”). The article really spoke to me because it compared opposing parenting views with ‘assumed’ consequences of doing the opposite using sarcasm of course. By the time you get to the end of the article you realize just how absurd all this is and how truly different every single person's opinion is so why worry about what someone else thinks is best, when you are the one that knows your child better than anyone else. You are the best mother for them, you are the expert. Don’t second guess what works best for you and your family, whatever that may be.
Next, we would love to introduce you to our other Playgroup Leader, Jenna! With a surprising (yet awesome) sense of sarcastic humor, a heart that is passionate about helping young mothers, and a willingness to give her all to everything she does, we kind of like Jenna a lot.
1) Introduce yourself!
My name is Jenna Tomlin, I will be 28 in June (the reality of turning 30 soon is sending me for a loop), one precious baby boy that turned 1 in January and have been married to my best friend for 5 ½ years. This will be my first year co-leading the playgroup which will be perfect for my super active little man.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I knew Lauren through church and had been following her work with The Motherhood Collective since its inception because I’ve always loved all things surrounding motherhood. After finishing college and before I had a full-time job, I had the opportunity to work as the childcare coordinator and served in that capacity until a full-time job caused me to not be able to volunteer. I now serve as the co-leader of the Playgroup.
3) How do you take your coffee?
From Starbucks: Nonfat Mocha
From Dunkin Donuts: Largest size of Iced Coffee with Cream Only
At Home: Dark Roast Coffee with half-and-half
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
It would be a tie between a tour of England, Scotland and Ireland, I love all things British, the tea, the Royal Family, the accents (who doesn’t), the TV (BBC Sherlock is one of the greatest shows ever created), the culture and the countryside.
The other tie would be an African Safari, I always thought that would be an awesome vacation to see something so different than what we encounter day to day and I’m slightly obsessed with zoos and aquariums so why not see some of the most magnificent animals in their natural habitat.
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Our time in the mother-baby unit. After truly an idyllic labor and delivery that was everything I hoped it would be, we had a horrible stay in mother-baby that took several weeks to get over. Also, the just constant hum in my brain of thinking about and sometimes worrying about caring for another little human being.
6) What has been the best part?
Every new stage. Seeing my little snuggly, sleepy newborn blossom into a little guy that is extremely effective at communicating, loves to use sign language, makes me laugh every day and has just recently learned how to tickle us which causes us all to laugh hysterically.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
Yay as long as you have something like a tunic or dress on top, like most other people have answered, cover the tush and you’re good!
8) Favorite TV show?
Right now it is Parks and Recreation, I have watched through the whole series at least 3 times now. I have also watched all of The Office, Friends, and Sherlock (like mentioned previously, one of the greatest TV shows ever created). I also love watching cooking shows with Good Eats being my longest standing favorite and The Pioneer Woman being my current favorite, can I just have her house, her dogs, her horses, and land but also only live 30 minutes from a big city, reasonable request right? And the Great British Bake Off. I also enjoy Master Chef Junior and it is the only show that I watch with regularity on real TV; Netflix is where I live most of the time.
9) Favorite junk food?
Brownies for days!! And a brownie sundae with coffee ice cream would be alright too.
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
From my mom growing up: You can do anything you set your mind to.
My daughter has been learning to ride a big girl bike; it is hard, scary, and frustrating (For both of us.) Re-perched after a fall, she began to sing, "relax and pedal harder; relax and pedal harder when you're scared on a bike." I smiled and breathed deeply – those were just words Mama needed to hear.
The 'Fourth Trimester', as it is often referred to, is the theory that babies are born ‘too early’ and they need this first 3 months to transition from the inside to the outside. And it’s not just our newborns that need a period of adjustment. We think mamas need a fourth trimester as well! There is often this assumption that mama is going to just jump right back into life full steam ahead as soon as baby is here...and that just isn’t always doable. Those early months are often spent trying to find a new “normal” and mothers are often healing physically while dealing with a major shift in responsibilities and identity.
Today we have another edition of “Mom Confessions” to share with you! Do you ever feel like you're just trying to find one spare moment for yourself? Yeah, us too! And with spring break season being upon us, today we are focusing on the real-life things moms do to entertain their kids just so they can have a few moments of sanity in their day. We hope you enjoy them, and that they make you feel a little less guilty for doing them too. Or...maybe use them as inspiration!
I turn cartoons on for lunch so I can check my Facebook 'guilt free.' -Laura
There's no such thing as too much screen time. -Kristin
I lock myself in the bathroom to get away from my kids sometimes. –DeAnne
I put cartoons on in our bedroom when he wakes up and tell him it's "cuddle time" so I can get another few minutes of sleep. -Jen
On the weekends (our son calls them stay at home days) he's always up before anyone else, like the crack of dawn, so I have him trained not to wake us up and just get the iPad and play on that until mommy wakes up. -Jessica
I let my kids stay up way too late so that I can a.) get more time with them and b.) not train them into early morning risers since I work nights. -LeAnn
Sometimes I love playing hide-and-seek so I can hide in a sneaky spot and enjoy a few minutes of quiet time -Julie
Sometimes when we play pretend and she is the mom and I am the baby, I tell her the baby is really tired and needs a nap so I can just lay on the floor with a blanket and relax. -Courtney
Sometimes I use "hide and seek" as an opportunity to have me time. This includes me counting extremely slow whilst I'm on my phone or doing house chores #don'tworryifindthemwhentheyreallystartcrying -Matina
For the last hour before the hubs comes home from work, in order to break up an argument between my 2 toddlers I will say, "Oh my goodness! I think I might have heard daddy outside... you better go check..." just to distract them. -Christina
I've exaggerated on a day at home with our newborn being tough so when my husband gets home he encourages me to take a shower and relax. So I go upstairs take a long shower and have a glass of wine. I also turn music on so I can't hear anything outside the bathroom. I just need an occasional shower that is more than 3 minutes. –Natalie
I tell my kids bedtime is 15 minutes earlier than it really is on the trying days. -Amber
You know how they say not to let the TV babysit your kids... #sorrynotsorry -Amber F
My conservative husband doesn't allow alcohol in our home. So I buy a small bottle of wine when I go grocery shopping by myself. I park outside of our house and drink it in the van before unloading the groceries. It's not in the house! -Rachel
Sometimes, I come home from shopping and hear my toddler screaming before opening the door. So I sit on the front steps until my huboo gets him to calm down. Then I walk in and act innocent and ask, "Was he good for you while I was gone?" -Rachel E
So, mama, know you’re not alone in this! We all have our little secrets, and now you know some of ours. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being the best you for your kids...and sometimes that means hiding in a closet.
We're joining the Friday Introductions bandwagon, and taking time each week to introduce you to some of our amazing volunteer staff! Because our wonderful staff has grown so much, (amazing, truly.) We are doubling up each week on the introductions. This week we are highlighting some of the leaders of our support groups! First, we introduce you to Kirstin, our Grief Support Group leader. She is passionate about supporting women as they walk through the toughest parts of motherhood including infertility, miscarriage, and child loss.
1) Introduce yourself!
Kirstin Magnuson, 37. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist at Wyndhurst Counseling Center. 3 kids: 8, 5, and 2 years old.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
Through mutual friends, I met Lauren, who asked me to speak on a few panels. I really resonated with the purpose/mission of TMC.
3) How do you take your coffee?
I don’t; however, I enjoy the wonderful aroma in the house!
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Scenic & serene with my husband, Chad, perhaps a lake or two for sailing as well (Colorado/Utah).
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Letting go of things/ideas I thoughts were important. Seeing a part of myself that still needs a lot of work. Coming to terms with the fact that I will be tested in many ways that continue to reveal my weaknesses & growth areas!
6) What has been the best part?
Learning to prioritize truly important, meaningful, valuable components of my life. Learning so much about myself & surprised by so many “little things” that make the journey so rich.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
Hmm… I have some, but mostly wear them at home with my favorite big, cozy sweater on cold, rainy days.
8) Favorite TV show?
So You Think You Can Dance
Frazier Re-runs
9) Favorite junk food?
Cherry chocolate chip cupcakes
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
Learn to live life with an open hand… don’t hold on to things too tightly.
Next up, we have our Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders Group leader, Jilayne! With postpartum depression begin the #1 complication of pregnancy and childbirth, her heart is filled with the desire is to walk alongside women in their journey toward healing.
1) Introduce yourself!
Jilayne, 30 years old.
Kids: Elizabeth, 9; Caylee, 7; Ethan, 5; Alan, 3
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I went to the Postpartum Support VA volunteer training that Lauren & Maria also attended. As a result, I ended up on the postpartum panel that next month. Another month passed and I received an email asking to co-lead the PMAD support group beginning 2014. I was so thrilled to have the opportunity to invest into the women of my community and walk with them on the journey towards healing. What can I say, the rest is history!
3) How do you take your coffee?
I drink Dandy Blend, instead of coffee, but I take it the same – lots of flavored creamer!
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Touring Europe, specifically historic places… because I’m a nerd.
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Learning how to process my emotions so I can properly teach my children to do the same. More recently, it has hit home the struggles I went through regarding my self-esteem as a growing girl, as one of my daughters has reached an age where she notices features about herself she doesn’t like. This has brought up buried emotions and my heart aches that I cannot shield my children from these struggles.
6) What has been the best part?
Looking into my children’s eyes and understanding unconditional love.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
Yes, as long as they are worn modestly...and they don't look like they are from the 80's!
8) Favorite TV show?
Currently, MASH… While I color & eat chocolate.
9) Favorite junk food?
Hershey’s milk chocolate with almonds – king size, because there’s more almonds.
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
The house can wait.
As a culture, we tend to isolate and delegate the health and well-being of women and infants. We tend to make them "someone else's problem" instead of taking joint responsibility as individuals and as a community. Do we as friends, sisters, mothers, nurses, doulas, midwives, and more consider the comfort of the mother's environment, her quality of her story, her specific and unique desires? Do we consider her emotional, physical, and mental well-being during the labor process?
We're joining the Friday Introductions bandwagon, and taking time each week to introduce you to some of our amazing volunteer staff! Because our wonderful staff has grown so much, (amazing, truly.) we are doubling up each week on the introductions. First, we introduce you to Kerri, one of our Cafe' Express leaders! With a passion for women and a drive to support mothers in all of their choices, and a refreshing sense of humor, we are thrilled to have her on our team!
1) Introduce yourself!
Hi! I’m Kerri! I’m 31 with a 14-month-old toddler (Adeline), and I’m expecting twins this summer. I work at Sweet Briar College as Director of Residence Life.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I sat on a panel back in the summer of 2015 and fell in love with the mission of the organization and the energy of the people running it. There was a while when I thought I was moving to Texas and I was bummed that I finally found “my people,” only to have to move away. Thankfully, that didn’t happen, so I jumped at the chance to get involved.
3) How do you take your coffee?
Light and sweet – just a smidge over what a normal person would consider an appropriate amount of creamer.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
I’d love to go anywhere in Europe – mostly Italy, France, Spain, or England. My mom and I did a driving tour of bed and breakfasts in Ireland a few years ago and I’d do it again in a heartbeat, but only if I didn’t have to drive again!
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
The exhaustion. I don’t think I have slept through the night in about two years.
6) What has been the best part?
Everything else (besides the exhaustion). I love watching her learn, realizing she knows more today than she did yesterday, and trying to keep up with this ball of every.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
You do you, boo.
8) Favorite TV show?
I’m really enjoying Life in Pieces right now. I also binge watch The West Wing like it’s going out of style.
9) Favorite junk food?
I think I’d have to go with ice cream.
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
Give yourself grace – you are doing the best you can and that is enough.
Megan Davies is another one of our lovely Cafe' Express leaders! Smart, artistic and a working mama who can relate to that ever-constant balancing act, she is a breath of fresh air to the Express team!
1) Introduce yourself!
Megan Davies, 30; one son, James, 1. Exhibit coordinator & artist at Amazement Square.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
From Facebook and a friend (Jen Douglas).
3) How do you take your coffee?
Either black or with a bit of cream.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Uganda, because it’s a second home to me.
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
Adjusting to mom-life, and trying to keep everything balanced: time with James, work, family and friends.
6) What has been the best part?
Everything! His flirty smile, his hugs, when he holds my hand.
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
Nay… yoga pants or skinny jeans.
8) Favorite TV show?
Big Bang Theory
9) Favorite junk food?
Ice Cream
10) Best advice you’ve ever been given?
Love life.
Meghann Cope is another amazing leader who serves as part of the Cafe' Express team! A teacher, mom of two and always welcoming with her bubbly personality, we love having Meghann on staff!
1) Introduce yourself!
Meghann Cope, 31.
2 kids – Eleanor (4), Amelia (2) and 1 husband (Curt).
Teacher by day.
2) How did you come to work with TMC?
I had attended as many Monday cafes as I could while on maternity leave/summer, and then when the working mom’s meet-up was formed, I attended those too. I wanted to be part of this organization because of the amazing things that were happening. So, when they needed someone to come on and be part of the team for the rebranded, Café Express, I was very excited to join!
3) How do you take your coffee?
With lots of cream & sugar, or replace coffee with say, sugar-free Cinnamon Dulce Latte.
4) If you could pick any vacation in the world, what would it be and why?
Scotland, again, because I love the raw beauty of the highlands, or New Zealand for the first time for the same reasons.
5) What has been the hardest part about your motherhood journey?
The hardest part of my motherhood journey is the mommy guilt that accompanies being a working mom.
6) What has been the best part?
Watching my girls learn new things, and every time they look at me and say, “I love you, mommy.”
7) Leggings as pants: yay or nay?
NAY! Your shirt must qualify as a mini-dress to cover you ass-ets!
8) Favorite TV show?
Outlander!
9) Favorite junk food?
Candy! Nerds!
The topic of baby wearing is such a popular conversation around The Motherhood Collective and something that we still get a lot of questions on, which is why we continue to host our Baby Wearing Café’ every year! Our cafe' moderator, Erica, is a baby wearing enthusiast who enjoys sharing her love of baby wearing with others! Below are some of the many tips and tricks that were shared at the cafe!
GENERAL CONCEPT
The world of baby wearing is enormous! You can go to Target, buy a baby carrier and stick your baby in it, and that could be the end - that’s fine and awesome. But there is this enormous community of baby wearers who do it all different kinds of ways, with all different kinds of baby carriers, and we get questions about it a lot.
There is an entire school of attachment parenting, which is kind of where baby wearing in America got its resurgence of popularity. We aren’t the inventors of baby wearing. It’s not an American thing or a this decade thing… this is not ours. It’s an idea that women/families have been using as long as they have had babies and something that they could hoist them up with. It’s not a new concept.
You're keeping babies close and safe. Babies are happy when they are being held. More than anything it’s a way of calming your child, keeping them safe and secure, and in my case being able to get things done when you’ve got a lot of stuff going on around your house. (Erica)
TERMINOLOGY
Carrier: The actual item (Moby, Ring Sling, Mei Tai, etc.)
Carry: Pattern in which you use to tie it on you (front, back, or side carry)
BENEFITS OF BABY WEARING
There are many amazing reasons to babywear such as convenience, bonding, and security to name a few. Check out the Ten Reasons to Wear Your Baby by Laura Simeon, MA, MLIS for more!
FOUR MAIN TYPES OF CARRIERS
WRAPS
WOVEN WRAP
MEI TAI
WRAP CONVERSION
RING SLINGS
SOFT STRUCTURE CARRIER (Backpack carrier)
BABY WEARING SAFETY
Accidents do happen, so be aware...but it’s very rare. Watch their little faces getting snuggled – especially with teeny tiny squishy babies who don't have good head control. Make sure baby is kissable and that his/her back is being supported properly.
STOP and check your carrier – DON’T DROP YOUR BABY!
Moms who exclusively have one carrier they use and love need to especially be aware of the condition of their carrier. Since it may be used quite frequently.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THIGNS IS THAT YOUR BABY IS ABLE TO BREATH WHEN THEY ARE IN THE CARRIER! You need to see their face, even though some babies may not like to cooperate.
Here are a few ways to make sure your carrier is in good shape:
Woven Wrap: That means there are no holes, major pulls, or unraveling. That it looks secure.
Buckle Carrier: Regularly check your buckles and make sure that they are snapping in and out - that they are not slipping out and that nothing is cut or broken.
Ring Sling: Be sure that any where there is a seam it is not unraveling or that there is that ability for the rings to come lose and slip out.
QUESTIONS FROM MOMS
What carriers provide the ability to let baby face outward?
Ergo 360 and Beco are great options for outward facing carries. No forward facing carries should be done with a narrow base carrier (i.e. Baby Bjorn). These types of carriers tend to have a short life and not as great of investment.
Can you safely sit down while using a carrier?
It can be easy for mom to sit with baby in a variety of carriers, but ring sling and soft structure carriers are the easiest to adjust while wearing, making it easier to make room for baby when changing positions. Leaning back in a chair or on a yoga ball while baby naps may provide more comfort.
Of all the carriers and fabrics which provides best back support?
How you wear it is more important than what the carrier is, and the size of baby. If you're hurting, take a break. Be careful with Ring Slings because the weight is not distributed evenly. Back carries may be more comfortable than front carry. You may just bring the stroller on days that your back is bothering you.
What carriers do dads/male partners have a preference for?
Most men prefer soft structure carriers. Dads might do skin to skin with a Moby when mom can't.
LOCAL BABY WEARING GROUPS
These groups usually have play dates, lending library, and group meet-ups. People bring carriers so you can see and learn and narrow down what you like. Here are just a few groups you can connect with locally:
*Please note that, above all, baby wearing needs to be done both safely and securely! Visit a local baby-wearing group or look up a group on Facebook to see how you can get involved.
**The information shared during this cafe' has been provided by our own baby wearing enthusiasts, but not baby wearing professionals. Please always be sure to check the information through your own sources.
We're joining the Friday Introductions bandwagon, and taking time each week to introduce you to some of our amazing volunteer staff! Because our wonderful staff has grown so much, (amazing, truly.) We are doubling up each week on the introductions. This week, we meet two of our Cafe' team members - they show up early, stay late, help with set up and tear down, get new mamas plugged in and basically we couldn't function without them!
