A season of thankfulness and giving.

Dear friends,

On this coming Tuesday (12/1) The Motherhood Collective will be taking part in the global#GivingTuesday initiative. We will have three amazing opportunities for you to give back to the organization and support our work in maternal health. We are excited to use this global day of giving to not only raise critical financial support, but to increase awareness surrounding three common issues we address. Be on the lookout for an upcoming email with additional details and social media notifications. :-)

During this Thanksgiving holiday, we would be remiss if we did not express our gratitude for a few of the many things we are thankful for in 2015.

1. Our volunteers. Our work simply could not be done without the commitment of our volunteer staff.

2. Our Board of Directors. Their insight guides the organization with with wisdom and heart.

3. Our program hosts. Mosaic and Wyndhurst Counseling Center have welcomed us and given us a home.

4. Our community cheerleaders. They sponsor our programs, reefer women in need, and champion for our cause.

5. The women we serve. Without your bravery and honesty we would never be where we are today.

Thank you to all.

Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends and supporters. Wherever this season finds you, you are not alone.

With love and THANKFULNESS,

Happy Thanksgiving!

As the holiday season begins in full-swing, the blog activity around here may be a little slower. But we wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you, in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Thank you for reading. Thank you for your support. Thank you for helping other moms, for being there, for offering a listening ear and a helping hand. We ARE in this together, and we couldn't do any of it without you.

The story of a miscarriage

This is a repost of a story shared several years ago by one of our community members.  We are sharing again today on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  The Motherhood Collective Grief Support Group meets every second and fourth Tuesday of the month and all are welcomed with open arms.  

At the Motherhood Collective, we recognize that not all pregnancy stories have happy endings.  We're committed to supporting women through their childbearing years and while we understand the pain of labor and empathize with that 2 am feeding, sometimes the grief of motherhood is far greater.  Stories about infertility, miscarriage and child loss are stories of motherhood, too.  We are thankful for those of you willing to share your personal experiences, especially the painful ones.  It's our hope that stories like these will help mothers connect with and support one another.  Thank you, Laura, for agreeing to tell your story.  --TMC --

On July 2nd, we had an appointment scheduled for a first sonogram for our second baby. Due to circumstances beyond our control, I had to cancel that appointment. On Friday June 29th, our unborn baby went to be with the Lord.This is our story.

June 29th was weathered by the Eastern half of the country as the heatwave gave birth to a giant freak windstorm: the derecho. Ninety mile per hour gusts swept through the narrow passages between our 1920s row house. Our daughter, Joanna was asleep before the storm hit, but woke up when the power went out. Our little family waited through 40 minutes of strong winds and frequent lighting and thunder. The winds died down, the lightning danced over the mountain and the power remained off. I held my sweaty baby and sang show tunes to try and lull her back to sleep. My back and stomach were cramping, but my face kept smiling. After all efforts to sing failed, I made her 4oz of a midnight snack and she was eternally grateful. She conked out a few moments later.

When I earned my freedom, I went to the bathroom in the dark.

There was blood.

I checked again with a flashlight.

More blood. Like a period. But more. “Your will be done. Your will be done..” I chant like a monk. It brings an eerie calm to know that all things work for the good of those who love Him, even if 'things' involve losing a pregnancy at 12 weeks.

Do we go to the hospital? Do we wait it out? Who do we call? How do we even get phone numbers?

We have no internet to google "heavy bleeding during pregnancy". We have no internet to look up phone numbers of local doctors. We have limited light to find paperwork that may have a phone number of the hospital. We have no power to control our outcome.

We called our dear friends, Derek and Michelle, to watch our sleeping babe so we can go to the Emergency Room. The city is in darkness. The hospital is running on auxiliary power and only the vital machines are running. No vending machines, bathroom lights or television to distract from our thoughts.

12:30: We arrive, check-in, and they tell me they’ll get me back to triage as soon as possible.

1:00: Nurse Betty took my vitals and told us, “Usually you’d be back there by now, but tonight is kind of a disaster. The power outage caused a lot of car accidents and we don’t have any beds. Even the beds in the hall are filled. We’ll get you back there as soon as we can, Sweetie.”

2:00: Guy with a tree branch between his toes comes in cussing. Sits near the overweight mother and daughter and adjacent to a homeless gentleman.

2:45: I’m taken in the back to have an ultrasound. The nurse first tries on my stomach but my bladder is too full and I have too much gas to get a clear picture. She also says I have a tilted uterus. Thanks. So I pee and we try a transvaginal ultrasound. She quietly wiggles the wand to get snapshots of all of my important innards. I can tell when she finds the baby. It’s not moving. She goes to the screen where it shows the heartbeat. It’s a straight line; no heartbeat. She says nothing as she goes to the next screen.

4:15: I’m wheeled into a hallway.

4:30: Vitals are taken by another nice nurse who assures us that we will be seen soon.

5:13: Started hating the doctor and his stupid face.

5:15: "Where the hell is his stupid face."

5:35: Doctor comes in, confirming that there is no heartbeat. He said the baby was smaller than 12 weeks, so it likely stopped thriving around 10 or 11 weeks. He gives me drugs, sets up an appointment for another ultrasound and says he wishes us luck in the future. His face isn't nearly as stupid as I presumed.

6:00: The 3rd nice nurse returns with ginger ale and drugs. She genuinely asks "How are you feeling". I love her. She sends us on our way.

We arrive home in the sunlight at around 6:30 after weaving around tree branches once more. Traffic lights are still out, but the birds are chirping and the heat has not yet begun its terrible reign upon our powerless heads. It’s a gorgeous morning. We thank Michelle and Derek profusely for watching Joanna for us in our emergency. I’m still in shock and can’t really accept their “I’m so sorrys”. I’m still in the logical stages of the news; emotions haven't hit yet.Although I was only 12(ish) weeks along, I could feel that he was a boy – I just knew it. We were calling him Buddy because he would be joining us for Christmas.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Aftershock

[June 30] Jonathan moved Joanna’s pack n play to the living room to watch her from the couch with his eyes closed. She thankfully entertained herself while Jonathan snored.

About 1/5 of Lynchburg is doing fine, with power, AC, water, and only a few leaves scattered across their lawns. When the traffic lights get dark, you can see lawns with debris, broken tree trunks, and smashed cars. Strange winds. We decide that our powerless home isn’t safe for our baby so we pack our things, dump our trash, wrangle the cat, and head north to my parents’ house.

Jonathan’s grandmother called me. She said that God knew our baby wasn't well enough for this world so He took him to Heaven. I started crying and she apologized for making me upset - I was crying at the beautiful image of God taking care of my sweet baby.

We arrived at my childhood home and my mom watched Joanna while Jonathan and I had some quiet time to process. It was the first time we'd been able to just sit in an air-conditioned room with no 'next step' to plan. We sat and talked about what happened. We talked about that it may be God's will that Joanna be a role model and older sister to her sibling instead of an Irish twin. We talked about how we didn't want to push down the sadness but rather use it to remember him. We talked about the nice nurses. We talked about what movies we wanted to see. We just talked. It was so nice to just talk.

I think the hardest thing is that I’m going to miss imagining what he'd be like.

10-25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage [according to the American Pregnancy Organization], yet few women talk about their experiences. I didn't want to be silent about our loss. If anything I want those 10-25% to know they aren't alone.

We're placed into communities for a reason: to be with each other. We're here to help, hug, humble, and grow with together.

If you’d like to read more or know of someone that would benefit from hearing our story, please share this link: http://www.housebrokenmom.blogspot.com/search/label/miscarriage

Same mission | New site

Isn't she beautiful? She's simple, easy to use, and, we hope, clear to understand.

Through the years as our organization has grown we have expanded our programming and narrowed our audience. We have grown our connections and simplified our words. 

Our first site was (and will always be) so incredibly special to me. It was designed by a dear friend, and founding member, Liz Cook. She poured so many hours of love into the original design, nothing will ever replace it in my heart. Without individuals like Liz this organization wouldn't have become what it is today. We will be forever thankful.

This leads me to our new site. Also a labor of love and also a gift so extraordinary. You may remember our hints on Instagram about two months ago. (If you don't follow us on IG, you probably should, some pretty amazing content is shared there!)

Ben Manley, Creative Director of Knapsack Creative Co., believes in his community. He and his team have worked tirelessly to build a business that delivers quality product to each client. On top of this they have committed themselves to giving back to local nonprofit organizations in need of design work. 

As technology and media have advanced, our old site struggled to keep up, and it was time for a new look to convey the heart we have for the women we serve. Learning of Knapsack's desire to serve, we boldly submitted a request for help redesigning and relaunching our site.

We were accepted! Not a week later we were seated in their Daypack office! In one "day" we were able to completely rethink, refine, and redo our site. It was incredible.

We were so impressed by Knapsack's customer service from start to finish. They have a well oiled system for gathering information and treating clients with respect and dedication. Their team of four functions seamlessly. Joy treated us like royalty, Jael refined and culled our content with a keen and observant eye, Jeremy fueled us with never ending coffee, and Ben brought our renewed vision to life.

We highly recommend their work for any creative project you have on the horizon. We can vouch for the passion and joy with which they approach their work.

From L to R: Jeremy Marquis, Lead Developer; Jael Sette, Content Specialist; Benjamin Manley, Creative Director; Lauren Barnes Exec. Dir. TMC; Maria Hayden, Managing Dir. TMC; Janine Coleman, Graphic Designer TMC; Joy Guelzo, Client Relations.

Knapsack Creative Co. Team from L to R: Jeremy Marquis, Jael Sette, Benjamin Manley and Joy Guelzo.

We'd love to know your thoughts on the new site! We can't wait to see how it better enables us to serve women and change lives. Thank you, Knapsack. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Together, we are "nurturing the mother to grow the child."

education AND support

What a beautiful week for us as a staff of The Motherhood Collective. On Saturday we welcomed you to the Café Express. On Monday we held both the Café and our PPMD Support Group. Wednesday brought our Grief Support Group. What a gift to have the opportunity to serve so many women in such different ways. If you are new to our programming this week, welcome. As an organization we long to advocate for a societal shift in maternal health. We feel the way we accomplish this best is through education AND support by connecting you to each other and to your communities.

Education empowers. Education expands our knowledge. Education, on it's own, can also overwhelm and leave us without tools for success. This is where we feel woman to woman support must come in.

It is within the framework of support that women discover variances of normal. It is through the safety of support that women find assurance that they are not alone.

Thank you. Thank you for allowing us to serve you. Thank you for allowing us to learn what it looks like to connect you to each other and to your communities. Again, welcome to our new faces. Please let us know if there's anything we can do to further your education and support from pre-conception through postpartum.

All my love,

PS - Do you follow us on instagram? Here is a peek at what we've been up to this week!

A photo posted by The Motherhood Collective © (@themotherhoodcollective) on Jun 25, 2015 at 5:16am PDT

A photo posted by The Motherhood Collective © (@themotherhoodcollective) on Jun 24, 2015 at 5:03am PDTA photo posted by The Motherhood Collective © (@themotherhoodcollective) on Jun 23, 2015 at 7:00am PDT

Café Recap: Introducing Baby to Learning

Our panelists: Rachel Gagen (Pediatrician & IBCLC), Scott Rankins (Speech-Language Pathologist), Kevin Van Wynsberg (Department Chair for the Center for Counseling and Family Studies at LU), and our moderator, Lauren Barnes. Today’s topic, while primarily focused on babies in their first year, also spanned to toddlers, and older children as well. We covered important topics such as milestones, learning styles, and feeding.

Milestones

Milestones seem to always be in the back of a parent’s mind. They serve as a measurement and comparison tool between your child and every other child of his or her age. Is my child developing normally? Does his lack of speech present a concern? Should she have more hair at this point? Is his head too big? All of these are valid concerns, but Gagen, Rankins, and Van Wynsburg gave several reasons why worrying about milestones can add unnecessary pressure and anxiety to parents.

Gagen explained that you should “compare your baby to your baby.” The milestones are there to help parents and doctors make sure everything is progressing normally. However, she noted that while some babies are exactly where they need to be, others are either a few months behind or a few months ahead, and that’s okay! The best way to measure your child’s progress and development is to look at where he or she was a month ago, two months ago, and so on. Rankins explained the importance of looking at a child holistically. As a Speech-Language Pathologist, Rankins sees varying levels of communication difficulties, and the milestone measurement serves as a generalization by which he can start asking questions and making predictions. He explained that the range can be about 3-4 months on either side, so focusing too heavily on the specific milestone for a specific age can be inaccurate. Similarly, Van Wynsburg commented that ten fingers and ten toes is a much easier “normal” measurement than what is “normal” socially, emotionally, and kinesthetically with infants. He argued that there are so many great tools out there available to parents—of which the milestones are one—but we don’t want the tools to take the place of what is most important, interacting with and helping your child learn about him or herself and his or her environment.

Learning Styles

Learning styles of today are certainly different than they were twenty-five years ago. Today, we have iPads and cell phones and toys that light up and talk back. Rankins commented that one of the down sides to these battery-operated toys is that children are not presented with the challenge of using their imaginations as they are with less tech-centered toys. He stated, “Interaction is how we learn how to communicate effectively.” And with toys that do the talking for us or Baby Einstein videos that replace child-parent interaction, children may lose out on valuable communication building. Both Gagen and Rankins agree that children don’t need much to entertain themselves or to learn through exploration. Gagen joked that whatever you give your child for his or her first birthday, you can simply rewrap it again for his or her second.

Feeding, Bottles, and Silverware

A large part of learning for both children and parents deals with feeding. Regardless of whether your child is breastfed or bottle-fed, each child must learn how to eat solid foods eventually. Both Gagen and Rankins explained that it is important to begin some sort of solid foods at 6 months in order to prevent future allergies, but what is equally as important is letting your children experiment with and get messy with their food. The sensory experience of eating is valuable for your children on several levels. They are able to feel the different textures, smell the different scents, and taste the different flavors.

Parents may not realize how pivotal their role is in a feeding situation. Van Wynsburg advised that when feeding your child, you should make sure to keep your face happy or neutral. If you go into a meal with an anxious or worried face, your child will pick up on your hesitancy. This is one of the reasons why allowing your child to have a messy face is crucial. It allows the child to explore without interruption from a napkin or face wipe. When asked about children who cannot handle a mess on their faces, both Gagen and Rankins explained that if you freak out about the mess on their face, then they will freak out. If you have a child who cannot handle food on his or her face, talk about it. Use it as a learning tool. Ask them about the different textures, temperatures, and colors. You can even add some sweet potato puree to your chin! They will likely become distracted by the interaction or see the mess as a positive aspect of the food experience.

While babies are encouraged to use bottles and pacifiers up until 12 months, any bottle or pacifier use after that can have negative effects. The panelists explained that bottles and pacifiers can become ingrained habits that will be more difficult to break the older your baby gets. Some of the negative effects include future orthodontic issues or mouth disfigurement and susceptibility to ear infections.

Silverware can provide another learning obstacle, but Rankins mentioned that you can introduce silverware as early as eight months. At that age, babies will immediately bring the spoon to their mouths, so this can start the process fairly easily. However, children will not be able to use solely silverware until about three- or four-years-old, so let it be part of the learning experience and not something you force.

While we briefly touched on potty-training, that is a topic for another time! Thank you to our amazing panelists for your wisdom and insight!