365 Days to a Heart of Thankfulness

January is often a time for self-reflection, starting new projects and making resolutions. Many of us begin the new year with hopes to improve ourselves. What a perfect time to feature a series of posts on gaining wisdom! Over the course of this month, we'll post interviews with experienced mothers and feature stories written by women about what they've learned, and are continuing to learn, about motherhood. Thank you for starting the new year with us. We wish you all a very happy and inspired year of growth! ~TMC--

Last New Years Eve, I made a resolution. My husband and I had just celebrated our 4th year of marriage and it hadn’t been our best year. We had become parents and while we loved being parents and a family of three, we agreed that our relationship could use some focus and tender loving care. We committed to working towards growing stronger and not further apart.

Pinterest is where I found my inspiration. It was a simple glass jar labeled “365 Days of Thankfulness” and it was just what I needed. It is my sincerest desire that my husband is the head of our home but giving up the reigns does not come easily to me, especially, as a stay at home mom. I’m a first born; typical type-A, control freak. I needed something to turn my attitude away from “my way is best” and “just do it like me” to “you’re the best, thank you.”

I started January 1st 2012, secretly typing one thing I was thankful for, about my husband, into a note on my iPhone. I would surprise him on December 31st 2012; our five-year anniversary. What better way to celebrate? Fast forward to April 30th, 2012. I was 4 months in, a third of the way there and my toddler deleted my note. This was going to be a little harder than I thought. Regardless, I started again. I also started keeping track on a Word document, harder to delete. But, somewhere in the middle of June my toddler threw my phone in the toilet. Yes, definitely harder than I thought because I wasn’t very diligent about updating the Word document. I began yet again and weekly updated the Word document and, looking back, my toddler's curious ways were really a blessing. I had to be extra diligent at this point, forgetting a day only sent me further behind and most days I had to sit and reflect on at least five ways my husband had served, surprised or shown love to me or our son.

I’ll never know exactly how many reasons I had to come up with, but in the end, I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to come up with “365” reasons I was thankful for the amazing man I married. We had the most wonderful year. Continually focusing my mind on why I was thankful made a remarkable difference.

Parenting is an incredible gift. A gift that can equally frustrate you and uplift you all in the same ten minutes. Marriage is the same way. I love my son, but my husband comes first. He’s the reason I am a parent. As we start 2013, I encourage you all to refocus and ask yourself: “How are we doing?”

My whole family is happier for it.

Photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/pages/365-Days-of-Thankfulness/317672098273632

Trust Your Gut

Permissive parenting, passive parenting, Attachment Parenting, Helicopter Parenting, free range parenting, main stream parenting, Intentional Parenting, Peaceful Parenting…yada, yada, yada!!  Then there is the advice of your mother, your mother-in-law, your sister, your sister-in-law, your boss, your BFF, your husband's boss's wife's cousin.   How in the world is one to choose which advice to follow?!

There are proclaimed experts in every area of parenting.  There is one (or many) in each school of thought.  There is a whole section on parenting in Barnes and Noble.  Thousands of pages, blogs, magazines and articles that specialize in telling us how to rear our children fill all of our media sources.  Parenting is big business!

So how does a newly pregnant woman go about narrowing what works and what doesn’t?  The answer is to read it all.  That’s right, read everything that you can get your hands on while you are pregnant.  Take information from all sources possible.  Listen to other mothers.  Sit in on cafes and small groups at The Motherhood Collective.  This is all very important information to gather, especially when your baby is easily contented with your avoidance of spicy foods and nourished from the umbilical cord.

As you start collecting this information, certain thoughts and ideas will begin resonating with you.  Certain parenting practices will just seem “right” to you.  You will get an idea of what to do when your little bundle of joy arrives.  You will get a gut instinct that will continue to develop as you develop as a mother.

So now your little newborn is here, and you want to know why the things you just knew you wanted to do with your baby aren’t working.  You have a whole arsenal of things to try.  The next step in developing your parenting skills is to stop reading those books and to start reading your baby.  Watch your baby’s cues and signals.  Determine your child’s rhythms and work with them.  All of those thoughts and words of wisdom that you have gained from your pre-baby preparation now need to be adapted to fit your baby’s personality.  I am here to tell you that no baby will fit inside one parenting book, but there are many ideas on parenting that will amalgamate with your baby’s personality.

You will, of course, continue to have questions throughout this crazy and fast journey of mothering.  Your baby will continue to develop and you will continue to adapt.  Continuing to grow and adjust are all part of this wonderful journey.  You are your baby's best mother.  You are also never alone.  Continue to seek advice of those other mothers and your trusted physicians; but more importantly, remember to trust your gut, listen to your instincts, and NEVER say never.

How to Interview a Pediatrician

How to Interview a Pediatrician: Ask the following questions!

• Can I call you day or night?
• Who is the Physician that covers on call when you are not available?
• What are your available office hours? What's your weekend availability?
• What situations deem that I go straight to the emergency room?
• Do you have a "well child" and a "sick child" waiting room?
• How much do you charge for an office visit? How about rechecks?
• How much do you charge for routine vaccinations?
• How far in advance must I schedule an appointment?
• How long will I be kept waiting to see you on an average basis?
• What are your views on breastfeeding? Bottlefeeding?

A physician's personality and style will probably rank as high in importance as his or her availability and affordability. Your personal preferences and instincts will weigh heavily in your choice.

I recommend you interview two to three pediatricians before making a choice. For referrals, speak to your primary care provider, a childbirth educator or ask family and friends.

Kan Traditions

With the changing leaves and falling temperatures, there's no doubt that fall is here! As mothers, we always try to stay a step ahead of the chaos and this month we're taking some time to share our thoughts on holiday celebrations, family traditions and maybe some new ideas about how to enjoy the upcoming season. So grab that cup of cinnamon-spiced coffee, prop your feet up on a pumpkin and enjoy what our writers have to say this month. ~TMC My husband and I have enjoyed establishing our family and getting to talk about different traditions we bring from each side, as well as what new traditions we want to begin with our children.  There are two main activities we have decided to make a part of every Christmas celebration.

1. The Advent Calendar

The Advent Calendar is something that neither of our families ever used growing up, but Andy and I have enjoyed making it a part of our Christmas the last two years.  There are so many you can choose from.  I opted for making ours.  I sewed 24 draw-string fabric pouches to allow myself plenty of variety.  I also made 24 magnets with different Bible passages that together tell the Christmas story.  Every year, I also buy 24 little treats.  So far, I’ve only used candy, but since Gabriel will be old enough to enjoy opening the pouches this year, I’m also going to include little gifts for him—stickers, balls, homemade treats.  Every morning, starting December 1^st, we go to the basket with the pouches.  We take the pouch for the day, open it, read the passage from the Christmas Story, place it on the fridge, and enjoy the little “treat.” It’s a very small part of our day, but it’s a neat way to make the Christmas joy last longer.  We enjoy a little gift each day, while remembering the greatest gift in our lives, as well as so many blessings we can’t even name them.  I hope this is something we continue every year with Gabriel—that he will look forward to that anticipation that is so precious in children, and that we as adults tend to forget sometimes.  Hope is a beautiful virtue that we can instill in our children, and when we hope in truth, it will never disappoint.

2. Get a gift, give a gift.

Another tradition that we hope to establish once Gabriel becomes more understanding of his possessions is to have him choose a toy to give away at every birthday and Christmas.  We hope to find an orphanage, toy drive, or other donation means by which our children can learn the joy of giving to others in need.  For adults, we have so many means by which to give—finances, time, a meal from our kitchen.  For children, they really only have the gifts they receive as a means to give in return.  We hope to encourage our children to choose one gift to give away every holiday.  We would love to even encourage sacrificial giving—maybe even a favorite toy, or one that we know a child in need would really enjoy.  We hope this will help balance the mentality of only “getting.” This will also help cut out all that accumulation as well J.

We’re still adding to our list of traditions!  What ways are you intentional during the holiday season?

Cooking, Cleaning, Bathing...Oh, My!

In September, the Motherhood Collective will feature posts on balance - having it or not! It's certainly a state most of us struggle to find. September is, for some, the calm before the storm. Our kids are back in school, fall activities have begun and we have a few precious weeks before we really have to start thinking about the holidays. What better time to take a few minutes to reflect on how we spend our time, juggle our lives and what we can do to achieve our own perfect balance! ~TMC For me, living a wholistic life is all-inclusive.  What I mean, it is part of everything we do as a family such as: attachment and purposeful parenting; respecting our children as whole persons; trying to eat a real, whole foods diet; getting the proper amount of rejuvenation and exercise; living a green and eco-conscious lifestyle; and most importantly, striving for an honest and pure Christian lifestyle.  Some of these things seem to come easier than others.  Practicing attachment parenting was a natural course of action for me.  It seems to be what I am naturally inclined to.  Ironically enough, finding balance is one of the eight tenets of Attachment Parenting.  Living a green and eco-conscious life is also very natural for me.  I am a minimalist in most areas; therefore, not being wasteful is fairly easy.

Then there are the other areas that don’t come so easily.  Respecting my children when I am a living lack of sleep is truly a task for me.  It isn’t that I don’t want to do this, but it is difficult to control my emotions when all I want is a moment of peace to gather my thoughts.  I could go through each area of my life, dividing the easy from the struggles.

After 22 months, I know that I need balance to survive.

Here are a few things that have helped me to maintain balance amongst the mayhem:

1.  Be patient.  My favorite mommy mantra is: “This too shall pass.”  Sometimes in the midst of whatever struggle we are going through, we tend to think it will never end.  As with most things with kids, it won’t last forever.  If we are patient, the phase will pass and be nothing more than a fleeting memory.

2.  Stop and listen.  Listen to your kids and your spouse.  Simply stopping to listen will tell you so much about that person’s needs, which in turn, will help you to focus on one thing.  As moms, we tend to do, do, do.  If we are focusing on these priorities, then maybe we can knock out a few of those unnecessary tasks.  This will, hopefully, decrease our busyness.

3.  Go outside.  When everything seems to be spiraling out of control, when everyone’s voices seem to be getting louder and louder, when I start to lose the ability to hear myself think – I go outside!   There are actually very few days that I don’t go outside.  I strap one kid to my body and put the other in a stroller, and off we go.  Everyone is able to take a breather, and reconnect.

4.  Simplify your morning routine.  If I have to be somewhere in the morning by a certain time, then I have to prepare the day/night before.  With two kids under two to get dressed and out the door, I have to have a few things streamlined.  I have my bag packed, my clothes picked out, their clothes and diapers set out, and breakfast in mind.  If I don’t do these things, we are late and grumpy.  Oh, and try to go to bed on time also.

5.  Have sex!  Okay, there, I said it.  I said the “S” word.  Even when we feel like we have been touched all day, we feel like we can’t stay awake one more minute, or we simply have our minds focused on 100 other tasks; this is a much needed act to have in our relationship.  How much?  Well, that is up to you and your SO.  I just recommend you do it enough so you don’t forget how.  I hear it's like riding a bike...

--- The Motherhood Collective is on Facebook. Like us, then comment on our giveaway post for a chance to win a family photo shoot from Adam Barnes Photography. Our contest ends when we hit 500 Likes!  

The Treasure Box

August is "Back to School" Month at The Motherhood Collective. Over the next few weeks, our writers will be sharing their teaching moments, the ways they encourage learning, their thoughts on education or the things THEY are learning as a parent. Even if your child isn't heading back to the classroom in a few weeks, we hope that our thoughts on learning will inspire you. ~TMC ---

I decided to start schooling my son, Gabriel, a few months ago. He was seven months old at the time. I’m a big believer that schooling and educating does not just take place September through June, in a classroom, from 8:00-3:00, once your child turns six years old. I was homeschooled from Kindergarten through high school, and though I’ve always loved the “bookish” side of things. Some of my fondest school memories are the opportunities I had to experiment outside the classroom—to take head knowledge and apply it to everyday tasks (such as baking, sewing, and piano playing).

I was inspired by a post from the blog www.ellekeepsmoving.com. She writes a post about a Montessori Treasure Basket. The Montessori School of Thought is very student-driven, and it seeks to create an environment in which the child is encouraged to discover on his or her own. Some begin school as early as two months! Many say that it’s an approach that fits very easily with what parents already do with their children—provide opportunities for them to discover the world in very sensory ways. Typically, they turn six, and we then expect them to learn through only reading and writing. The Montessori Method has been called the learning of life, because it is an approach that translates so easily into the every day.

Though my husband and I have not yet decided on our approach to schooling, we do like the idea of providing Gabriel with more than the just the flashy-loud-button-pushing toys that you can find at any store. There is nothing wrong with those toys, but we just feel that in an age of technology (i.e. plenty of button-pushing to go around), this will not encourage the same mental development as putting our son in front of a mound of blocks. Or a pile of cardboard boxes. Or a treasure basket.

A treasure basket is simple, and it has provided hours of fun and learning for my son. I merely found a small basket and filled it with sensory objects from around the house. I tried to provide as many textures as possible for him to experience. Remember to only allow things that are safe to place in the mouth. Some ideas include:

--A ball of yarn --Pieces of felt --New sponges --New paint brush --Silver spoon --Scraps of fabric, ribbon, trim, and fringe --Wooden spoon --Silicone Pastry brushes (his favorite by far!) --A sealed jar filled with dry beans

Place the item in front of your child and enjoy watching him or her explore and learn! Voila! First day of school! Be sure to take a picture!

The treasure basket has kind of bled into the desire to let him explore many areas of our house (the safe areas, of course, and always supervised!). I love watching him dip his head into the food cupboard, and reaching way back to grab the box of macaroni, or letting him pull open the drawers in his bedroom and dump all the clothes on the floor (then watch him fill it with his own toys instead). I love to lay him on a blanket outside, and hand him blades of grass, a flower, and a pine cone. Gabriel now loves following me around the house because he knows that I will give him a small part of whatever I am working on. If I’m folding clothes, he sits right in the basket with the clothes all around him, and hands me one at a time, or plays with the buttons on my husband’s shirt, or sits on the bed and unfolds every piece I’ve just set neatly aside (sigh).

There are many ideas you can find online as well. One of my friends put her boy in the tub, dumped flour and raisins all around him, and let him enjoy digging, throwing, and licking the fun, powdery texture.

Check out this website for more ideas: http://www.ellekeepsmoving.com/2012/02/raising-baby-treasure-basket_1501.html

What are some fun sensory activities that you have enjoyed with your child?

--- The Motherhood Collective is on Facebook. Like us, then comment on our giveaway post for a chance to win a family photo shoot from Adam Barnes Photography. Our contest ends when we hit 500 Likes!

Back to School After Baby

August is "Back to School" Month at The Motherhood Collective. Over the next few weeks, our writers will be sharing their teaching moments, the ways they encourage learning, their thoughts on education or the things THEY are learning as a parent. Even if your child isn't heading back to the classroom in a few weeks, we hope that our thoughts on learning will inspire you. ~TMC ---

For many adults, choosing to go back to school is a big decision. It means a commitment in time, energy, effort and resources. This is especially true for a woman deciding to go back to school after having a baby. Unlike the single years where a student can schedule large blocks of time without interruption, pull all-nighters when necessary and hang out at the coffee shop all day, the college-bound mommy has to juggle her daily responsibilities on top of her school work. The good news is it’s not impossible to manage both- it just takes a little more planning and effort!

When I decided to pursue a Masters of Fine Art degree in Photography after our first-born son was just four months old, many people flatly told me I was crazy. After a while, I began to wonder if they were right. Could I actually manage to spend quality time with my son and husband, cook, clean, exercise and study? The answer is yes. Sure, there were crazy times and a few late nights (try 3 a.m.), but after two semesters of trial and error, I feel that I finally found the mommy/student balance that works for me. For all of you lovely ladies considering a return to school after starting a family, let me offer you some advice that can save you a little time and perhaps gives you the encouragement you need:

Be Realistic. Let’s face it, being a mom means that your study sessions will be interrupted…a lot. Have realistic goals of what you can and want to accomplish each day. If you expect too much, you may be disappointed when half of your school related “to do” list remains undone. Aim for a balanced day, where no one aspect dominates your time and attention (unless it is your baby that needs you, of course). Keep this in mind when you schedule your week: “How much can I realistically get done?” Know that this will most likely change- up to several times a day- and that’s okay.

Touch it every day. Sure, you may not be able to dedicate large blocks of time to school every day. You can still accomplish more than you expect and avoid cramming when deadlines approach by doing a little bit each day. Aim to work on tasks (reading, writing, etc.) in small chunks of time. Have 30 minutes? Try to get through one chapter. If you do this throughout the day, you can quickly read the week’s reading assignments. Do this every day, it will add up throughout the week.

Work Around Their Schedule. Try to have a general schedule with your baby in mind that you work around every day. For instance, if your baby takes a longer morning nap, dedicate that time to working on school. Once he or she awakes, close the books. If you know that a portion of your day is dedicated to your studies (no matter how small), you will feel comfortable leaving it undone, knowing that you will return to it later that day or tomorrow.

Stay Flexible. Let’s face it- babies are unpredictable…and that’s okay. If there’s a day (or two) that schoolwork goes untouched, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t be afraid to close the books and devote your attention to your baby. Just return to your normal routine when life allows. Ultimately, your family is more important than a paper, but be proud of the fact that you are still making an effort to improve yourself too.

Tag Team. If you are fortunate to have the support of a husband, family members or friends, let them help you by taking the baby out to run errands, for a trip to the park, or to their house for a nap. Even 30 minutes can make a huge difference- giving you the opportunity to plan, start writing a paper or catch up on reading.

Remember What You’re Doing: You’re Learning! Having a baby and going back to school are similar: it’s a learning process. The key word here is process. Don’t get discouraged if everything does not click into place within the first few weeks or the first semester for that matter. It will take time to find what works for you! Be patient, remember why you decided to go to school, and see this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself- what you are capable of, how you work best, and what is most important to you. Constantly evaluate how you are doing, celebrate the successes no matter how small, and make adjustments when needed. The point is, you are learning and growing!

--- The Motherhood Collective is on Facebook. Like us, then comment on our giveaway post for a chance to win a family photo shoot from Adam Barnes Photography. Our contest ends when we hit 500 Likes!